Afternoon InqueeryFamily

AI: Parenting Resources

My boyfriend’s son is 4, and rapidly approaching 5 years old. His awareness of the relationships of people around him is growing at a rate that is occasionally startling to those of us caring for him. He is surrounded by adults who love him, which is wonderful – but we still need to figure out how to talk about the nature of our relationships as he grows up.

I’d like to find books and resources for us adults to consider about raising children in non-traditional families (poly, queer) and ways of imparting our values to him (reason, feminism, sex positivity, non-violence). I would also like to find books to give him as he begins learning to read that display these kinds of family structures and values.

What resources do you find valuable for kids or those raising kids? How have you helped a child to become more accepting or more scientific? Do you have any books, blogs, podcasts, television shows, or movies to recommend?

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Benny Vimes

Benny Vimes

Benny Vimes is a queer polyamorous transman, curious skeptic, and enthusiastic seeker of knowledge. He's an undergraduate student in his 30's and loves teaching people about alternative sexuality and gender issues.


  1. April 18, 2012 at 2:53 am —

    I'd say don't tell, show.
    OK, ok, I'm a heterosexual cis woman, but we have lots of gay family and friends and to this day I am amazed at how little my daughter, who's the same age as your boyfriend's son actually bothers or asks*. For the little one, her uncle's boyfriend who became part of the family when she was 18 months old simply is part of the family. And for her older sister it's not much different although she is aware of that his connection to the family is different than her uncle's connection.
    For kids, what they experience is normal and if daddy is kissing a man and is happy, that is the way. He won't learn anything out of a book that is in contradiction to what he experiences. If he sees that you love and respect each other, that you hold values and don't only preach them, that's how he'll learn about those values.
    Children are actually very good at picking up non-verbal clues and often rightly assign them more value than they do with verbal communication.
    *We took great care to explain not only where babies come from but also how they end up there in the first place early on. Yet the fact that our lesbian friends have a baby without a man (visibly) involved didn't bother her at all. Apparently it worked, so what?

  2. April 18, 2012 at 5:09 pm —

    Oh, and a bit more helpfull, probably:
    They have lots of good posts and resources.
    They Might Be Giants have cool songs about science and stuff
    For general parenting I really like  Alyson Schafer's work.
    It's also good to look which museums have interactive expositions to visit.

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