11 responses

  1. theelectricturtle
    January 19, 2013

    Thanks for this! The whole “prove it” / behavior-obsessed line of thought is especially insidious given that gender norms, sexism, and heteronormativity mean that very often a person will not have equal opportunity to explore their attractions to different genders.

    • Dae
      January 20, 2013

      Getting cross-examined about my sexual history is pretty much what I hate most about all of this – not least because I catch myself absorbing the mentality. I’m pretty good about not applying it to other people, but myself? Hoo boy.

  2. Lux
    January 20, 2013

    Awesome! I’m pansexual, and luckily haven’t been thrown any of these questions. I only have access to people who are generally tolerant anyway. Venturing out into the internet is daaaangerous :p

    Yeah, this alll applies and is true.

    • Dae
      January 20, 2013

      It’s gotten a lot easier for me since I started being open about it, because the jerkwads make themselves known pretty quickly, heh. So I’m moving in that direction, but there are a few places I can’t avoid it… and it’s gotten to the point where I’m not even surprised by it anymore, just sort of weary.

  3. That Moz Guy
    January 21, 2013

    One thing that bothers me is the idea that duration is important. It buys into too many of the “no true scotsman” arguments, especially the idea that identity is immutable. “I’ve known since I was 12″ doesn’t make you more bi than the next muppet, it makes you someone who thought about sexual attraction when you were 12. I f someone said “I’ve wanted to be an astronaut since I was 12″ would you assume they must be so much a better astronaut than someone who wanted to be a fighter pilot when they were 12?

    • Dae
      January 21, 2013

      I didn’t mean to imply that duration was important, though I can see why it would seem that way. My point in mentioning it was only that it had been an acknowledged part of my identity for a very long time, which made having it denied more upsetting to me than it might otherwise have been.

    • zylla
      January 22, 2013

      I’m CIS-hetero male, but I don’t think it’s likely that many 12 year olds think “When I grow up I want to be straight/gay/bi/pan/etc.” they way they would about a profession. “Duration” would also be relative based on current age.

      However, due to upbringing/society/environment that relative duration could be an important factor in how long someone has been struggling with accepting/hiding/coming out.

      But like I said, I’m CIS hetero, so my understanding on this is, I’m sure, incomplete. (But I try!) :)

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