On August 4th, Come See Scenic #Twitter!
Hello Queereka! Anna here, midly internet-famous Twitter Misandrist and 7th most hated person on Reddit. I am honored to be selected to write articles here and hope that this “blog web” format will be both exciting and enriching for all of us! Since I don’t understand “blog webs” entirely yet, I thought it would be cool to show “blog webs” people what is cool about Twitter just in time to join us on August 4th for the Best Twitter Day Ever!
So first let’s explain twitter a little bit. It’s not quite like Face Book or Blog Webs or even Read It like you may be used to. Twitter is kind of like AM Radio, but for the internet. What this means is basically being loud, angry, and blunt works really well, so maybe you have to be different on Twitter than on other Internet. Sometimes Twitter doesn’t translate well to other Internets, kind of like that time Rush Limbaugh had a TV show, so please come experience it for yourself to fully enjoy it!
What’s even better is that Twitter now has an updated Abuse Policy that basically says it’s your fault if someone heaps abuse on you for using Twitter, which can be scary, but this means you can do whatever you want with impunity! Just don’t claim you’re being abused and everything will be fine.
The reason this policy exists is a bunch of weird white people that worship at the alter of CIVILITY and RATIONAL DISCOURSE at the expense of literally everything else got really mad and made a stink and Actual Media Outlets even started covering it because, well, the stated reason is getting awful rape and death threats which are of course bad who could argue that? The not-stated reason is that a bunch of white feminists (the “Cult of Nice“) are mad that uppity people who are also women but at the same time maybe a person of color and/or transgender might say something that disagrees with them, so it’s important to have a button that they can all mash to shut them up and spare themselves the horrors of dealing with their own cognitive dissonance.
The new policy is basically the old one restated, but with more emphasis that it’s YOUR fault if you get “trolled.” I think this isn’t what the Cult of Nice really wanted but are declaring victory I guess, and they’re still doing some boycott of Twitter on August 4th anyway. They’re doing like a “don’t silence us!” thing by silencing themselves. Don’t ask me to explain it I can’t, but this means tomorrow will have less really obnoxious and whiny bigots that fancy themselves the Queen of Progressive on Twitter, so it’s a good time to get started.
So if you’re new to twitter, or have let an account languish for years that you occasionally link to your Blog Webs but don’t really use to its full potential, let me show you some of the fun and cool things you can do!
- A Daily Ritual is to remind @RichardDawkins that he’s a dick. As long as you don’t threaten his horse he won’t block you. Remember if you begin a tweet with an at sign, only people who follow the person you mention will see the tweet, and nobody you care about follows Richard Dawkins, so you can put a dot before it, like “[email protected] your a dick” or get creative “hey @RichardDawkins your a dick”.
Criticise Islam and you're "Islamophobic" or "racist". Criticise Christianity and "You're too cowardly to criticise Islam."
— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) August 3, 2013
Every time I criticise either Islam or Christianity, I infallibly know I'm going to be attacked for failing to go after the other.
— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) August 3, 2013
Wao, so deep, cool Dick thanks for the insight, now go on about how much you hate people who aren’t white or able some more, or you know, don’t, that’d be even better.
- Follow @RlCHARDDAWKlNS instead whomever runs that account is a better Richard Dawkins than Richard Dawkins.
cant criticise religion political correctness gone mad!! ps buy my book
— richard h dawkins (@RlCHARDDAWKlNS) August 3, 2013
my name is r-dawkins + im here to say, i like to rap in a atheist way
— richard h dawkins (@RlCHARDDAWKlNS) July 17, 2013
fact 4 today: god aint real hope u were wearing seatbelt
— richard h dawkins (@RlCHARDDAWKlNS) July 2, 2013
check MY privilege?? in religion man world?? let me buy beers on sunday
— richard h dawkins (@RlCHARDDAWKlNS) June 5, 2013
I could go on.
- Find people that don’t “get” Tropes vs Women videos or anything Anita Sarkeesian does by looking at responses to @femfreq and engage in Misandry Activities. I actually changed someone’s mind the other day by doing this, it was weird. This isn’t usually what happens however, so don’t expect it.
- Oh yeah do the above but with people who agree with Richard Dawkins tweets. Bonus: if you’re a white male, Richard Dawkins himself may be willing to engage with you! Real people are out of luck on that one, though.
- If you still don’t “get” twitter read a bunch of @dril tweets until you do.
"This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn my uncle's barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit
— wint (@dril) June 16, 2012
Perhaps the tier I aspire to achieve the most is that of the Milk Bone brand. Such flawless precisIon. Beauty; Grace. Truly awe inspiring .
— wint (@dril) July 30, 2013
if your grave doesnt say "rest in peace" on it you are automatically drafted into the skeleton war
— wint (@dril) July 28, 2013
If anyone ever tells you that the “smacks of gender” tweet isn’t the best tweet of all time, they are objectively wrong. If you argue with this, you hate logic, reason, and free speech.
I hope this is enough to get you started enjoying Twitter with the new Terms of Service! You will also want to find people who are cool or that you like and follow them and #engage with them so that you have a fun and interesting timeline. I like Intersectional Feminism and Intersectional Feminist Video Game Designers for instance so that is who I follow for the most part. It might take some effort just like any other social network, but it is worth it!
If you think I use too much REVERSE RACISM MISANDRY in this article you can send comments to @FakeRobotGamer or down below go ahead I dare you!