GaySex & Sexuality

Responses to Your Search Terms – Gay Men Edition!

CN: Sex and sexuality, anal sex, toxic masculinity.

Captain Awkward does this cool thing where she occasionally writes posts in which she responds to questions that people have typed into Google that lead them to her blog. I think this is brilliant, so I am going to do the same. This will be done occasionally, basically when I have the time and when there are interesting search terms to address!

Today I’m going to just address search terms that relate to gay men (because there are a lot of those) but I will choose other themes (or no theme) in the future.

“Why are gay men so dramatic emotional?”

Not all gay men are any particular kind of way, emotional or distant, dramatic or subdued, etc. There is certainly a stereotype of gay men as highly emotional, but this really doesn’t apply to everyone. I know several shy gay men who don’t share their emotions readily. However, some gay men may feel a decreased social or internal pressure to be unemotional. In American culture (and many others throughout the world) men are expected to display less emotion in general. This gender straitjacket limits the outward emotional expression of many men. Out gay men are sometimes less limited by this because they are already pushing back against the gendered expectations of men by being out and gay, so they can sometimes feel more free to express themselves. This is a good thing!

“Do all gay men want sex?” Related: “Do all gay men engage in sex?”

Nope. Some men may identify as gay but also not want sex for a variety of reasons. They may be homoromantic and asexual, which means they may be romantically attracted to men but not sexually attracted to anyone. Some may not want the kinds of sexual contact that you define as sex, especially if you define “sex” as anal penetration. Some may be temporarily or permanently abstaining from sex for personal reasons. Gay men are like any other group of people – Some have a high desire for sex, some have a low or no desire for sex, and many are somewhere in between.

“Why guys with feminine asses like anal sex?”

Wait… what? I wonder what defines an ass as feminine in this case. Is it the act of being anally penetrated that is seen as feminine? If so, this is kind of circular logic. Is there a particular physical attribute they’re seeing that they perceive as feminine? Perhaps a certain shape or hairlessness? If so, dear searcher, you are probably getting a very skewed perspective on how many men like anal penetration. You see, pornography or your local gay bar are very bad sample groups to consider when thinking about what kinds of butts people who like anal sex have. Porn tends to select for young, hairless, and round butted. The guys who keep turning up at the cool gay nightclub are self selected for the same traits – those of us with hair and bodyfat and working class jobs tend to spend less time there because honestly those places aren’t always all that friendly to many of us. So I can assure you that many people who do not have asses that look like the ones in your latest porno like anal too, they’re just less visible.

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Benny Vimes

Benny Vimes

Benny Vimes is a queer polyamorous transman, curious skeptic, and enthusiastic seeker of knowledge. He's an undergraduate student in his 30's and loves teaching people about alternative sexuality and gender issues.

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