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What is Loneliness?

Members of the LGBT community are disproportionately isolated from friends and family. Some of us have been rejected by our families. Many of us have been forced to move far away from the towns where we grew up in order to find more accepting communities. Much is made of LGBT chosen families, but little is said about how difficult it is to build up said families. Additionally, we tend to be poorer than our straight counterparts due in part to anti-LGBT discrimination and unfriendly policies at school and at work. It can be very difficult to make and maintain friendships when you don’t have the time or money to grab that drink after work. On top of that, a disproportionate number of us suffer from mental illness and chronic health problems, both of which can lead to isolation. All in all, the LGBT rainbow can be a very lonely place. What is it like?

  • Loneliness is not having anyone ask you how your day went.
  • Loneliness is getting good news and not having anyone to share it with.
  • Loneliness is not having anyone to go to when you need a hug.
  • Loneliness is having your Facebook wall full of updates from people who never interact with you.
  • Loneliness is not having anyone to cook for.
  • Loneliness is not having anyone to dress up for.
  • Loneliness is letting your room get messy because no one else ever sees it.
  • Loneliness is taking a book to the restaurant so you don’t have to stare at an empty booth while you eat your fries.
  • Loneliness is going days on end without talking to someone who isn’t at their or your place of work.
  • Loneliness is volunteering to work holiday shifts, because otherwise you’d be home alone.
  • Loneliness is having to bake your own birthday cake
  • Loneliness is not having anyone to take care of you when you’re sick.
  • Loneliness is swearing when you stub your toe and not having anyone to apologize to.
  • Loneliness is thinking no one would miss you if you were gone.

Feeling lonely? What is loneliness to you? Let us know in the comments. Maybe together, we can be a little less alone.

Featured image: Urban Loneliness by Brian Gaynor Photography

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Jac is a bisexual, genderqueer, feminist, godless liberal. They grew up in small town Pennsylvania and spent their adulthood exploring progressively larger and queerer cities. They currently work as an online tutor in the subjects of math, science and writing. When they are not tutoring or carrying out the gay agenda, they enjoy reading, cooking, science documentaries, and long walks on the beach.


  1. April 29, 2015 at 2:29 pm —

    =( I would miss you, Jac. I would give you a hug.

    For me loneliness is falling apart in the middle of the night, and being unable to talk to anyone about it, and just sitting on the sink in the bathroom for half an hour.

    • April 29, 2015 at 3:12 pm —

      To be clear, these don’t all necessarily apply to me, though the article was inspired from personal experience. Having recently moved to a new area, I’m struggling to make connections here. But thanks. It sucks not having anyone to talk to when things are falling apart in the middle of the night. If you were on FB I could suggest a group that supports each other that way.

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