BDSMComing OutFeaturedIntersectionalityKinkPolyamorySex & Sexuality

So What If I Wasn’t Born This Way

The “born this way” story of queer identity is one most people in modern developed countries know well. It is applied to people of all sexual orientations and to trans people, especially binary trans people, and tells us that the right way to be queer follows a common structure. We …

50 shades
BDSMComing OutDiscriminationKinkMedia Portrayals of BDSM

Movie Review: 50 Shades of Snore

 Who knew BDSM on the big screen could be so boring? 50 Shades of Grey is the first in a trilogy of Twilight-fan-fiction-turned-erotic-bestsellers by E.L. James. In the movie adaptation, which premiered in theaters yesterday, Dakota Johnson plays Anastasia Steele, a young college senior who runs afoul of the cold …

IntersectionalityKinkPolitics / Activism

I For One Welcome Our New Affirmative Consent Overlords

As you may have heard, last Sunday California enacted a new “Yes Means Yes” statute governing state university policy towards sexual assault. This law has been a while in coming, and the usual suspects have been whinging about it on and off for months, but generally speaking I feel like …


When Kinksters Don’t Want to Risk ANYTHING

Recently someone on Fetlife in the Minnesota kink scene posted a proposed draft of advice for how newbies should attend a munch. In the kink world a munch is a casual public gathering of kinky people for conversation and socialization. It usually takes place in a restaurant, coffee shop, or …

KinkSex & Sexuality

Myths and Misconceptions About Kink

Our culture is full of myths, misconceptions, and confusion about kink, BDSM, and fetishes. We’re going to address 10 of them here; 5 in this article and another coming soon. For each of the misconceptions there will be two answers: one from Benny and one from Cheyenne. That way you …

victim blaming
FeminismKinkPolitics / ActivismSex & Sexuality

Kinksters, Time for a Change

This post discusses kink, harassment, abuse, and sexual assault in generalities (not specifics). It may be triggering for some, and may not be appropriate for those who do not want to read about the kink community. Feel free to skip it if those things make you uncomfortable. There has always …

KinkSex & SexualitySunday School

Sunday School: On Non-Abuse

So, I have some acquaintances–a husband/wife pair who are also in a D/S relationship. This typically involves him doing all sorts of generally mean things to her, which she, of course, enjoys. I also have this OTHER acquaintance who I managed to start discussing BDSM stuff with who couldn’t really …

KinkSex & SexualitySunday School

Sunday School: On Top Shopping

Let’s say you’re not plugged into the BDSM community in your area, but have been exchanging flirtatious overtures with a very hot person on Fetlife who wants to tie you. How do you pre-screen for doms that aren’t going to murder you to death? –TOTALLY HYPOTHETICAL Another week, another question …