I am not out to the kid I’m helping to raise. He will be 5 this month, he’s a bit gender non-conforming himself (although not more so than many kindergarten aged kids), and he is FIRMLY in the “why?” stage of life.
He has the general sense that my relationship with his father is close and he knows I’m family. I am not worried about how we will tell him about polyamory because in many ways he already gets it.
My gender situation is much more complicated. I have presented male for much longer than he’s known me (more than half his life), and he’s old enough to understand the ideas involved but I haven’t found a way to bring it up yet. His father (my boyfriend) would prefer I wait until he’s 10 or older, but his mother and I agree that he should be told sooner. I want him to grow up with the idea that gender is fluid and complex – and that means discussing it now.
Have you ever come out to a child? Have you discussed something complex and important with a kid? How did it go? Did you wait until a good moment, or just sit them down and talk? What, in your experience, works?
Image is from getyourqueeron.com