AI: Stereotyping Relationships


So as she listened to me complain about my latest squabble with the girlfriend, a friend of mine let out:

“See, that’s why I don’t date other girls. They get upset so easily over nothing!”

Now, she was obviously joking. But comments like this usually get me thinking of other people, who profess such things actually thinking they’re true, referring to stereotypes on the “nature” of men and women (as in “gay men are more promiscuos/have more sex, gay women are more comitted/more sentimental”), and to whom I almost never know how to react.

So I ask you:

What’s the most common stereotypes on lesbian/gay couples you hear? How do you react to them? Is it different when you know the person saying it doesn’t actually mean it?

The Afternoon Inqueery (or AI) is a question posed to you, the Queereka community. Look for it to appear on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays, at 3pm ET.

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  1. Stereotype: the lifetime of a male-male relationship is shorter. I wouldn’t be surprised if it were true in the aggregate, but it’s still a stereotype. I never know how to respond to it.

    • I heard that one VERY recently. From a gay friend. He was going on about how his most recent relationship was working out so beautifully because they were together for over a month now and, you know, gay guys never stay that long together, they have NEEDS!

      It was quite bizarre. In the moment, I was shocked wordless, but later I thought I should have told him he shouldn’t blame all gay men for his own comittment issues.

  2. “Lesbian Bed Death” I have no idea if there is a significant difference between sexual satisfaction or number of sexual encounters or anything like that in lesbian long term relationships compared to heterosexual or gay male relationships. The presumption of “bed death” has always seemed to me more about perpetuation of the stereotype of women not liking/wanting sex more than anything else, and that is bullshit.

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