My partner recently met my parents for the first time, and then a few weeks later I called my Mom up and let her know we’d gotten engaged. My mother is not really one of the most supportive people in the world, and I expected a fairly negative response. Instead she said she really liked my fiance, and that us getting married sounded exciting. She asked the usual questions (“Do you have a date set?”) and then asked a lot of probing questions about how “traditional” my fiance is, and finally got directly to the point of asking if we are monogamous.
My mother knows I was polyamorous in the past, and I’m just not talking about it anymore. I told her my future with my partner will be a much more traditional family structure. This is true – but neglects to mention my long-term relationship with my boyfriend, as well as the existence his wife, and their kid. I am actively involved in their lives and intend to stay that way. Its just something I don’t think Mom needs to know about anymore because she has been really truly awful about my non-monogamous past.
It feels like going back into the closet. I suppose it IS going back into the closet, since I’m not being entirely honest with her. I don’t like it, but I like her rejection less. Plus, this is the only way she’ll come to the wedding and respect my partner. She made it very clear that she would not attend if we were not going to have a “traditional” family.
Have you ever gone back into the closet about something? Why? Was it worth it?