Frequently Asked Questions (By Straight People About My Sexuality)

“So… scissoring.”

“Being asexual is like not having a sexuality right?”

“So you like, date girls?”

“You’re gay. Which of these two girls do you think is hotter?”

“Would you date me if I was gay?”

“You’d totally fuck me if I was gay, right?”

“Wait… so you don’t fuck people?”

“How can you be in a relationship if you don’t have sex?”

“So do you date people?”

“Do you get attracted to people?”

“Are you attracted to me?”

“So if you’re asexual why do you have a girlfriend… or whatever?”

“Isn’t asexuality that plant thing?”

“I am confused on what you are talking about when you say ‘asexual pride’; much as I love plants and animals reproducing without a mate I don’t think that’s what you mean.”

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“I could never give up men.”

“Explain scissoring to me again?”

“Have you ever kissed a girl?”

“Is kissing girls different from kissing guys?”

“Have you ever had sex with a girl?”

“How can you just not have sex?”

“But if you like kissing girls why don’t you like having sex with them?”

“So do you get horny?”

“Does this make you horny?”

“Is it okay if I try and make you horny just to see what will happen?”

“What if the most amazing beautiful girl walked in right now, would you have sex with her then?”

“But you’ll like, grow out of this, right?”

“You’re young, you probably just haven’t found the right girl yet. What about her over there? She’s cute.”

“But seeeeeex.”

“Okay but do you really like girls if you’re not even going to have sex with them?”

“Do you even count as a lesbian?”

“If you don’t have sex, what do you do?”

“But if you wanted to get married or something, how could two people live that long and not have sex with each other?”

“So what exactly do two girls do?”

“Wait… you mean there’s more kinds of lesbian sex than oral?”

“What does going down on a girl mean?”

“Is scissoring really a thing?”

“I’m confused.”

“Wow, does your identity just confuse you on a daily basis?”

“But how can you know any of this?”

“Don’t you think you should wait until you’re older to make decisions about your sexuality?”

“Aren’t you a little too young for all of this?”

“Okay, one last time: how exactly does scissoring work?”

***

If sixteen years is “too young to know my sexuality” then am I not also too young for you to comment on it?

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