What It’s like to Go to A Night Club in SF The Night After Marriage Equality Passes (And Ruby Rose Is DJing)

  • You will realize that Ruby Rose is just as drop dead gorgeous in real life
  • After careful observation you conclude that it was her cheekbones that cut heternormativity in half.
  • Also she’s unexpectedly tiny. You could probably pick her up and spin her around dramatically while making out without ever having worked out before. 
  • She’s wearing a shirt that has TWINK emblazoned across it in bold black letters. You realize the accuracy of this statement because earlier in the evening you mistook a skinny, buzzcut teenage boy for her .
  • The venue will be 90% hot queer 20 something women.
  • That is the perfect demographic.
  • Someone in that room got married that evening.
  • You will spend 50% of your time staring at Ruby Rose, 20% dancing rapturously, and the other 30% trying to figure out of the hottie next to you is dating the girl she’s dancing with or they are just good friends. You will never figure it out. 
  • At some point in the night you will guilty steal away to the other rooms to listen to other DJs because Ruby Rose is liiiitle  bit top 40 for your taste.
  • The men’s bathroom becomes gender neutral.
  • A slightly older more moneyed woman offers you ten dollars to cut the bathroom line, you sell out everyone behind you without hesitation and go buy yourself another drink.
  • Ruby Rose will lift her arms up to the sky, like an ancient goddess and a 500+ voices will scream in unison.
  • Ruby Rose has way less chill than expected, she looked so damn excited about everyone being excited to see her.
  • But actually the DJ in the room next store is way better so this is awkward. 
  • Ruby Rose has the biggest phone in the world, it’s huge. I don’t know if this a metaphor for anything.
  • You consider proposing to someone just because.
  • Someone retweets a photo of the White House lit up in rainbows and you tear up just a tiny bit.
  • You buy yourself another drink and toast to Ruby Rose, and to yourself and to love and equality, and then to Ruby Rose again.
  • You leave (with a sober driver) and realize even though it’s only two minutes past, you already have a parking ticket.
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