The L Word Is Inside Us All

The very first person I ever met who told me they were a lesbian was a cast member of The Real L Word. We met in line for the bathroom at a vegan restaurant in San Francisco in January 2011. I was a senior and on a field trip with my Christian high school, unbeknownst to the field trip planners, they were shooting an episode of the Real L Word at the restaurant at the same time. After she told me what they were filming, and  I responded with a blank stare she said “ It’s like the television show The L Word, but it follows the lives of real lesbians.”

“Oh cool” I replied suavely, like I’d met many hot lesbians television stars before this moment, “I think I saw a couple of episodes of The L Word with my friend once.” This was not true.

Four years later, I have met many more hot queer girls and I still have not watched The L Word but thanks to the lesbians of the internet who can find a way to connect any article about literally anything to The L Word and then then proceed to get into a 100+ comment fight about it, I don’t need. This is a one hundred percent accurate summary of the seminal queer show.

It is a lesbian murder mystery show, but it was cancelled before the mystery was ever solved. #WhokilledJenny

First there are bisexuals. Then those bisexuals decide biseuxality is gross. Then there are no bisexuals.

There is an pregnant trans man who does not know he is pregnant. This storyline is both boring and offensive.

Most of the lesbian population of the world would have killed Jenny themselves if given the opportunity.

There is a lesbian identified man. This confuses me. Isn’t a lesbian man the same as a straight man?

A small but vocal minority thinks Jenny is not the worst.

A lesbian couple tries to get pregnant . Then one of them has an affair. Post breakup one of them sleeps with a man. These two events are treated as roughly equal sins. Eventually they get back together. But no one cares because they are annoying.

The one with the hot accent who looks like Catherine Zeta Jones leaves after season one, because of Jenny. This is probably why everyone hates Jenny.

Shane is the hottest. Shane is emotionally unavailable. These two truths seem to be related.

There is a sex pool and a murder pool. They are the same pool.

The sporty one dies of cancer, proving healthy living is useless.

A buzzfeed quizz told me I’m an Alice. This seems like a safe but possibly boring choice.

Hot lesbians DJ’s should not be left at the alter.

Originally this show was going to be called “earthlings”, which is slang for lesbians. However, this is not actually slang that anyone residing on earth uses. Some people see this as a metaphor for the show.

Everyone has sex with everyone else at least once.

Much like the audience watching the show, there were no straight women.

There is a lesbian cafe. Everyone eats lesbian lunch there every day, like a bunch of lesbians. If you enter the cafe you automatically become a lesbian. This is probably what happened to the straight man who turned into a lesbian, and all the bisexuals.

Ilene Chaiken is the worst person who ever existed, but many queer women owe their marriages and friendships to her.

The L Word reached dizzying highs and horrifying lows, often in the same episode. You loved it and you hated it. You were disappointed every Sunday, but couldn’t wait for the next. It was neither good nor bad, interesting nor boring, ethical nor evil, but a combination of it all, just like everyone one of us. We are still obsessed with the L Word because deep down we ourselves are the L Word, a contradiction that we equal parts love and hate and will always be both proud of and disappointed in. Or because it was the only option, you all are still operating under Stockholm Syndrome.

One of those two for sure.